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Coping as a Coparent

Lately I have found myself wondering about what role I have in my family now that summer is in full swing and their mother is behaving rationally. Am I a placeholder? Am I the mom that the kids needed but only when their mother is acting like a lunatic? Is there room in someone's life for two moms or two dads? Will I ever feel differently about my role? Will I always just be an extension of their Daddy?

I have really considered all aspects of this co-parenting situation. I have tried to befriend and mediate, I switched to expecting reciprocity, I have stopped beating around the bush, I have been honest and straightforward... but it has not gotten me anywhere in improving the situation with my fiance's ex wife. My fiance says that it is because she never actually changes, she just goes dormant for a little while. The thing is no matter how much I think he is right, I still don't know how to handle things. For the last month I have minimized contact but it only seems to make…
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Let's Collectively Say Goodbye to Being Fake

I sat down to write, lots of words swirling in my head. I have not had time to get on the computer or really my phone to type this all out so its going to be long since its been rattling around for a bit. I actually have had a few moments in the last week where I felt like I was placed in a bizarre time in history where I do not belong. I am constantly at odds with life in in the 2000s. Don't get me wrong, the ability to easily communicate with friends and family through text is amazing! And not having to lug around a camera is awesome!

Most days I don't carry anything with me but my cell phone. I have a credit card pouch with my debit card, insurance card, and license attached to my phone case and I am off. I can even fold up some money or tickets in there if needed. I mean, who would've thought the world would be at my fingertips with a mini-computer in hand?! While the wonders of communication are endless so are all the ways we use them as scapegoats and excuses.

I am…

Closure, Gifs, and Mantras OH MY!

Yesterday the day finally came when I have felt I have done enough to make a blended family, I have done enough being a mediator, I have done enough to help someone who is hell bent on hating me. And that is really hard for me to say out loud (or in writing). I know that his ex-wife projects, I know that she deep down knows I am great for the kids, I know that she likely even does "like me" so to speak. What gets to me is the things she says in front of the kids and I have decided to relinquish control. I have decided that I need to let the fantasies and nightmares she perpetuates and throws at the kids unravel in their own time. Because they all will. Because the kids are strong and smart and can navigate those themselves.

The long and short of it was that a situation about school was brewing into possible court. Although she agreed with my fiance, she refused to meet him to sign off on it. He presented the idea 6 months ago, 4 months ago we sat and discussed with the kids…

Top 10 Connecticut Family Day Trips Not to Miss!

1. Falls Village
We have to start with FV because that was our town! There is a beautiful outlet of the Appalachian Trail you can access right near the region's High School and you can catch a view of the Great Falls with a short walk from the village itself. There are a few little shops and an annual car show but the view is what makes FV a little home in my heart. The best part about exploring this area is that the great outdoors are always free to explore. :)

2. Dinosaur State Park, Rocky Hill
This place was AWESOME and I am not entirely sure why so many people I come across who live in CT have never been here. Obviously, I was coming from a different point of view, I moved to the northwest corner after living in a huge state (NY) so I wanted to see ALL of CT basically immediately. This is an interactive museum built over top of real authentic dinosaur tracks that were found in 1966. The inside also has a fun little kids center and outdoors there are activities on weekends and…

The Broken Road

It is incredibly normal for a new wife to fixate on the ex-wife in relationships where there are kids. It is super healthy and most fixate for much longer than I did. We talk about our pasts, and we talk about our present, and I would be lying to say that his ex doesn't continue to come up. Unfortunately this is because of her rampant immaturity, teenage parenting style, and flagrant disrespect of us and the children. However, I find myself as time goes by over-analyzing responses, remembering the way things are said, and taking it far more personal when the kids buy into her manipulations. I can't tell if that is because of the old step mom/birth mom rivalry that some psychologists say are inevitable, if it is because I know that I do more for the kids than anyone else in their lives and seem to get no credit, if it because there is this total disconnect in our worlds, or if at the heart of the matter it is simply that I am jealous of my fiance's past.


Sometimes I forget how to rise up

Sometimes I forget how to rise up
Is it the way I hold my head?
Is it the way I walk?
The swivel in my hips?
The way the words leave my lips?

Sometimes I forget how to rise up
I have never asked for much
I have never asked too much
I look down as I walk
I mumble as I talk

Sometimes I forget to rise up
I am lonely and I am broken
I am lost and I am afraid
I realize I am so bruised
I realize I've been so used

Sometimes I forget to rise up
I cry myself to sleep
I feel weak as I weep

Sometimes I forget to rise up
Is it the way I love?
Is it the way you don't?

Sometimes I forget to rise up
I have nothing left to give.
I have used up all my fight.

Sometimes I forget to rise up
But he sees through my flaws
He lifts me from lifes claws

Sometimes I forget to rise up.
But love lifts me.

What I Wanted to Say vs What I Said

What I wanted to say to my fiance's ex this morning:

Good Morning,

You don't like to be put on the spot, and I understand it could be intimidating that when arguments pop out it is in a text thread that has your ex-husband and his fiance. There are things that need to be said and things that I want you to know.

In the book I am reading there is this line “For reasons I will never understand, Judith will always be at war for the soul of our son.” And I think in many ways, it might apply to how Jason & I feel you act/react to us and the kids. I tried so hard to be your friend. After a year of your unwarranted comments to Jason and the kids about me, I text you to say I forgave you for the past and move forward. How did you react? You felt it necessary to proclaim to the kids that you were not sorry for things you had said. About a half year later I convinced Jay that we should reach out to your mother and sister because you were clearly depressed and acting on…