The Broken Road

It is incredibly normal for a new wife to fixate on the ex-wife in relationships where there are kids. It is super healthy and most fixate for much longer than I did. We talk about our pasts, and we talk about our present, and I would be lying to say that his ex doesn't continue to come up. Unfortunately this is because of her rampant immaturity, teenage parenting style, and flagrant disrespect of us and the children. However, I find myself as time goes by over-analyzing responses, remembering the way things are said, and taking it far more personal when the kids buy into her manipulations. I can't tell if that is because of the old step mom/birth mom rivalry that some psychologists say are inevitable, if it is because I know that I do more for the kids than anyone else in their lives and seem to get no credit, if it because there is this total disconnect in our worlds, or if at the heart of the matter it is simply that I am jealous of my fiance's past.

Whatsmore, I find that sometimes I am not sure if it bothered me more was that I was jealous of his past, or that he was not jealous of mine. Which is crazy when you think about that statement! However, I wondered if my fiance somehow loved me less than I love him because he doesn't seem to be worried about my past. He didn't seem the LEAST bit intimidated by the fact that my ex-husband and I had a wonderful life together for about a decade, that he was my first marriage and first love and that he had so many of my life firsts. And when I finally communicated this to him I realized that part of respecting a relationship is respecting how people cope and manage their feelings. He admitted that of course he wish he got me in my 20s, of course he wished that he got me forever, but that he has more of a "god bless the broken road" outlook on our pasts. To be honest, this was one of the most enlightening moments of our relationship. He is made of magic, this man I love. Of course he would somehow make a Rascal Flatts lyric poignant. lol.

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